Flames in the Sky, Stars on the Water
by I'm Bread
Summary: [One-shot] [Genma x Ino] A few years after the war, Ino's life finally seems to be on track, until a handsome and mysterious will o' wisp appears and leads her astray.


_Hi, friends. This is my return to fanfiction after largely abandoning it for many years. I feel like I have changed a lot, so I hope that it shows. I still do not own Naruto._

_A Few Notes:_

_1\. The legal drinking age in Japan is 20, so I used that as the legal drinking age for the Naruto universe._

_2._ Shiranui_ is a phenomenon similar to that of the Western will o' wisp, described as appearing like spots of fire over the sea. Past the title and description, though, it's never mentioned again. The beginning and ending dates of the story do somewhat match up with the times that the _shiranui _appear, though._

_3\. More notes at the end._

* * *

**Flames in the Sky, Stars on the Water**

Ino is studying her menu intently, considering the nutritional benefits and detriments of each item. She has already decided what to order, but this is the easiest way to avoid the fact that she has nobody to talk to. Her mentor, Aoba Yamashiro, is turning thirty-six today and several members from Konoha Intelligence have gathered to celebrate. They are joined by his close friends from outside of Intelligence, mostly jounin that Ino has never met, and despite her usual audaciousness, being surrounded by these older folk makes her feel somewhat uneasy. Across the table, Raidou Namiashi, a close friend of her former jounin instructor, and someone she has at least worked with before, notices Ino's discomfort.

"Relax. Have a drink," he says as he pours her some sake.

"I'm underage."

He shrugs. "No one here will report you. By the way, my favorite is the curry rice, and Kurenai likes the octopus."

"Oh. Thanks."

Raidou gestures at the man to Ino's left. "Hey, Genma. Introduce yourself. And take that thing out of your mouth while you do it, please?"

The man turns around. He looks pointedly at Raidou, deliberately does not remove the senbon from his mouth, and then, grinning, says, "Shiranui Genma. Nice to meet you." As he speaks, the senbon waves around wildly, and Ino is terrified, sure that she will find a needle stuck through her eye at any moment. Raidou sighs in exasperation, and the woman beside him drags him back into a different conversation.

Meanwhile, Ino's heart is beating too fast. It is not really that this Genma is very attractive. His face is not unpleasant, but truly he looks rather plain. It is not his age either, nor his ranking. Rather, it his self-assuredness; he is a man who knows what he has and doesn't have and knows exactly what he can and can't get. This is what makes Ino nervous. So as normally as she can manage, she replies, "Ino Yamanaka. Nice to meet you too."

"Do you work for Intelligence?" he asks, entirely polite.

"Yeah. I started a few months ago. You're one of the Hokage's Elite Guards, right?"

"Yeah. Well, not anymore. We actually still serve Tsunade. The Sixth has his own thing going."

"Does she even leave the village? What does she need bodyguards for?"

"She doesn't. In fact, I'm pretty sure she just keeps us around for company. Raidou already left us to become an instructor and in the spring I'm supposed to be assigned a genin squad to train too. I was never good with kids, and hell if I avoided this shit as long as I could, but Kakashi really believes in it, so I have to. How's Intelligence treating you?"

"Great. I love it. It's really interesting and the people are nice and really knowledgeable. I'm supposed to work in each department for a year and I'm in Sensory right now with Aoba. But I'm really excited about this joint thing Tsunade wants to start between Intelligence and Medicine for mental rehabilitation."

"Oh, yeah. I think she mentioned that a few times but I wasn't paying much attention. What's it about exactly?"

"Well, she figures if we can break minds, we can use that knowledge to improve our emotional training programs and also try to heal people who might have been hurt… in non-physical ways."

"That's a really good idea. I know a lot of people who have needed that over the years."

"Right? Especially after the war and all. I think a lot of people still haven't really recovered."

Genma gives her a strange look, as if she might be speaking in a code. As he is about to reply, the waiter arrives. Ino orders soup.

**xx**

Midday light makes Ino's hair glint white-gold and illuminates the gentle slope of her nose; at the base, it curves up at a slight angle. When she laughs, it scrunches up, and she is embarrassed. She says her friends tell her it makes her look like a pig, but Genma disagrees. He says it makes her look youthful and precocious. The way her hair swings in the autumn wind makes her look more like a horse than a pig anyway, he jokes. She laughs again, and her blue, blue eyes are unreachable diamonds, more valuable than anything he has come near in his entire life. She is a fairy from a faraway icy planet, and he is just a man.

She takes a few more sips of sake, and manages to barely even wince. Their food arrives and Genma eats without thinking too much about the action of it while Ino spends several minutes splitting her food into different categories, and cutting things into small pieces. Genma feels almost ashamed when he has finished and she has only eaten about a quarter of her meal. He waits and watches her chew, but she seems uncomfortable, so he looks away, and rambles on about some mission he went on with Raidou and Aoba once in Wave Country, a place where they say you cannot tell sky from sea, they are so close in color.

The restaurant is mostly empty now. A fair amount of food remains on her plate but she hasn't taken a bite for some time, only sips from the drink in her cup. The two are having an animated discussion about Hatake Kakashi's face when he notices it. As if the alcohol is melting all of the ice around her, she has softened. Her cheeks have taken on a pinkish glow, her lips look soft as rose petals, and her hair flows like silk sleeves. The bangs that cover one side of her face make her look girlish and oppositional. She is just Ino now and her eyes seem a little bit closer. How peculiar. He smiles at some non-specific area on the table below him, shaking his head.

"Sorry, I missed that. Could you say it again?"

"Guess you'll never know," she taunts, eyes twinkling.

He shrugs begrudgingly. Leans back in his chair. "Fine, then."

"I said 'I guess you'll never know' what's underneath Kakashi's mask."

"You thought that was clever, didn't you?"

"Maybe." Another giggle, another flash of teeth, another perfect blend of naiveté and knowing, and yes, he is very aware that not everything that can be obtained is deserved.

**xx**

"Hey. Missed you at lunch today."

"Had plans."

"Some dumb bitch you met at the bar?"

"Actually, no. Someone you introduced me to the other day."

"You had lunch with Ino?"

"Yeah."

"She's not even twenty years old."

"What? She was drinking on Aoba's birthday."

"I let her have some sake. She barely touched it."

"She seemed alright today."

"You let her drink?"

"So did you."

"For a special occasion!"

"And I'm not one?"

**xx**

It is around one in the morning, a few hours after Ino's birthday festivities drew to a close, and Ino is about to go to bed when she hears a knock at her window. Slipping a coat on, she opens her front door and calls around the corner, "What is it with people your age and knocking on windows? Have you ever heard of a door?"

Genma appears on the railing above her, hands behind his back.

"Don't look so scared, huh? I brought you something." He hops down from the railing and reveals a bouquet of white chrysanthemums along with a narrow box, which he places into Ino's hands.

"What happened?"

"Happy birthday, Miss one-year-from-being-able-to-go-to-a-bar-legally."

"Well, you missed my birthday by about an hour, asshole. And white chrysanthemums are for funerals, so I thought someone had died for a second there."

"Sorry for being late. I was a little tied up with official ex-Hokage business."

"Oh, shut it. I can smell the alcohol on you."

"Well, you know how Tsunade is. Just open the box, will you?"

"Fine."

Ino balances the chrysanthemums in the crook of her elbow and then slides the lid off of the box. Resting inside is a pair of two-pronged metal hair pins. Ino's lips part in amazement as she takes in the detail. Each has finely crafted and bejeweled silver bellflowers and bush clovers on one end, and two wickedly sharp points at the other, meant to be thrown like senbon. They are dazzling even by the dim lights from the street. "Are these really for me?"

"No, actually, I was just wondering if you could deliver those to Aoba at work tomorrow."

Ino snorts, but her eyes are warm. "White chrysanthemums also mean truth and sincerity," she says stroking their petals. "Thank you so much. These _kanzashi_ are beautiful."

"And functional. You know, in case you get attacked while you're on a date or something," Genma teases.

"Is that an offer?"

"Only if you're accepting."

"How does Monday sound?"

"Sounds perfect." Genma takes the senbon from his mouth, and weaves it between his fingers, over the middle, beneath the index and ring. Then, he extends his hand to touch Ino's cheek. She stiffens. He stops too, and looks into her eyes for a moment: tender, apologetic, and something just shy of lecherous. Finally, he says, "See you soon. I'll pick you up from work."

Then he is gone, and Ino is left standing alone. Her hand finds its way to the spot where Genma's was, and she wonders why she is suddenly shivering. She is sure that she has always wanted to be touched that way, looked at that way, desired that way. Maybe it is because for the first time, she thinks that maybe she doesn't deserve it. Maybe it is because she still hasn't fathomed why in the world Genma Shiranui would want her. And she isn't sure she wants to know the answer.

She walks inside, locking the door behind her, and rushes to a mirror. Running her fingers through her hair, she recalls lessons from her father.

"Wash every other day to keep your hair from drying out. Apply conditioner and essential oils for volume and shine. Sleep in a loose ponytail or bun to prevent tangles." She remembers being six years old and crying when her mother would brush her hair too forcefully, but her father knew how to get knots out painlessly. She is brushing her hair now, examining a few split ends, and regretting that she has been careless with her hair care regimen.

When she was a little older and her hair longer, her father taught her how to style it. "To make a bun, first put your hair up in a ponytail. Gently twist while wrapping your hair around the base. Secure with pins or a clip." Ino follows these instructions exactly, her own hands as masterful she thought her father's were then. Holding her hair in place with one hand, she removes a hair pin from the box with the other. She studies it for a moment. Bell flowers and bush clovers: traditional flowers to be worn in September. He probably chose them for this reason. She doubts if Genma knows the significance of the bush clover to her clan or to her specifically: the importance of candid love for friends and family. Where has her love been recently? She has been avoiding Chouji all year, Shikamaru is more wrapped up in his own life than she is in hers, she only makes Sakura worry, and she abandoned her mother when they needed to support each other most. Daddy would be disappointed.

"Hold the pin by the bend. First thread the ends through the hair in the bun, then through the hair near your scalp. Finally, push it through to the other side. Careful not to poke yourself." Ino examines herself in the mirror. "There. You look just like your mother when she was your age." Ino looks older with her hair in this style. More mature. Maybe even womanly. She turns her head to view her hair from different angles. As she moves, the flowers glimmer in the moonlight and her skin glows ethereally. She looks like a ghost. Indeed, not unlike her mother.

**xx**

Ino looks around the sparsely furnished apartment. The front door opens to a small kitchen with a round table set with four chairs. Beyond, is a bookshelf piled precipitously with books, and a couch covered in unfolded laundry. A large open area of floor that is probably meant for more couches and an entertainment system is instead littered with projectiles and other weapons. Wooden boards of different shapes line the walls at various heights and angles. They appear to be targets, but rather than the typical alternating red rings, they are covered in thin curved lines. Senbon are stuck in them in seemingly random patterns, but Ino knows Genma's aim to be too accurate for that.

"Sorry about the mess," he says. "Didn't think Tsunade would keep me so late. Let me just change out of my work clothes and we'll head out." Genma picks out a white shirt and dark pants from the couch and walks toward one of two doors on the other side of the minefield, dodging several shuriken and a polearm that lay in his path.

"It smells like pumpkin," Ino remarks.

"I usually have a pot of stew on the stove, so the smell probably just sticks. I don't really notice it anymore."

"Why pumpkin stew?" she asks skeptically.

"It's my favorite food. What's yours?"

"Tomatoes."

"Disgusting."

"Your loss."

"Excuse me for not enjoying the most bitter things in existence. Just a minute," he says before turning left and disappearing past the doorway into his bedroom without closing the door. He is taunting her and she refuses to let herself be embarrassed. She strides to the couch and sets her coat down, with no intention of picking it back up before leaving the place. Then, she takes this time to try out some of the weapons on the floor. She shoots a senbon into an empty target in the corner and is picking up a strangely shaped kunai when she is startled by a stern voice.

"What do you think you're doing?"

The kunai makes a dull thunk as it lodges itself in the wood floor.

"Oh shit. I'm so sorry."

"Damn, I was kidding. I didn't mean to scare you."

"But the floor!"

Genma, now wearing a black jacket lined in red with sleeves rolled up to the elbows, walks over and pries the kunai out, forearms flexing. The kunai has left a sizeable nick in the floorboard. "I'm sure the landlord won't notice. I'll buy a rug or something."

"I can pay for the damages."

"Seriously, don't worry about it. I kind of like it. Gives the floor character." He then notices the board Ino had been aiming at, thinks for a second, and shoots a few senbon into it. "That's you," he says.

"What?"

"It's a wild boar. A constellation. The lines on the board are latitude and longitude. The senbon mark the stars."

"Are all of these constellations?"

"Yeah." He points to a board above the couch, dotted with holes of slightly different sizes, with seven senbon stuck in it in a sort of downward arch. "That one is called '_Kanmuri_' because it's shaped like a crown, see?"

"What's so special about that one?"

"I'm named after one of the stars in it."

Ino can't stop staring. "All the holes are locations of stars?"

"Yeah."

"Did you memorize them?"

"A lot of them. Also, most of the books over there are star maps."

"This is amazing! I've never seen anything like it."

He shrugs off the compliment. "Everyone has hobbies. Come on, let's get going."

**xx**

Dinner is a casual affair at lesser frequented restaurant to avoid prying eyes, and then they hit the bar, which is surprisingly lively for a Monday night. So they drink a little too much too fast, and ditch the place to spend some time alone.

"What do you like about me?" she asks.

"Everything," he replies, a growl with origins as dark and primal as the ocean.

"Tell me something specific."

"I like your eyes."

"Tell me more."

"I love the color of your eyes. I like your hair. I like the way you laugh. I like–"

She interrupts him. She pouts but her flushed cheeks and half-closed eyes give her away. She is almost convinced. "Say something about my personality."

"I like how you put me in my place."

She giggles in between hiccups. "Tell me about how I look again."

She is wearing an outfit that is entirely not modest. Her hair is pulled into a loose bun, held in place by the hair pins he gave her. She looks like she is trying very hard to convince herself that she is an adult. He has been trying very hard to convince himself of the same thing, and the fact that she has clearly never worn these heels before doesn't help. Still, the fact that her breasts are practically presenting themselves to him helps a lot more than the previous fact hurts, so he puts one hand on her neck, one on the small of her back, and leans her against the wall, inching closer.

"You look like sex," he whispers. And then he pushes his lips into hers.

Her lips are soft; too soft. Her tongue is shy; too shy. But the look in her eyes a few minutes ago was too determined for him to deny either of them this kiss, so he takes the lead and soon her tongue warms up to his. They are in some trash-filled alley a few blocks from the bar and it briefly occurs to Genma that maybe this isn't the best idea, but the thought is hazy at best and easily disregarded. The lights from the street guide his fingers, swathing her in blue fluorescence. He goes too far. She pulls away.

"You sure you've done this? You seem nervous."

"Of course. I told you I've done it all, haven't I? It's normal to be nervous around someone new."

This is enough for the alcohol to be convinced, and this time his hands do not let her slip out of their grasp.

Later that night with his hands up her shirt and her hair splayed like a halo upon his bed, she begins to cry. "My dad's going to kill me when he finds out I've been gone all night. He's gonna fucking kill me, and kill my mom, and then we can be a happy family again." Ino crawls to one side of the bed and vomits on the floor. "Oh no, I'm s-so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking s orr–" And then sobs overtake her again.

There is nothing else for Genma to do but to hold her to his chest and absorb all of her tears and clenched fists, reliving the feelings he thought he had buried years ago, as if salt water is giving them life. He falls asleep with her wrapped in his arms like a bird in a nest. By the time he wakes, she has cleaned up and flown off, broken wings and all.

**xx**

"Are you hungover, Ino? It's a Tuesday."

"Genma took me out for drinks last night. I told him I didn't have work today. You know a transformation to make yourself look twenty-seven will get you in pretty much anywhere?"

"How old is this guy again?"

"I don't know. Thirty-five maybe?"

"Ino, he's older than Kakashi."

"What can I say? I'm mature for my age."

"Does he even know your age?"

"Of course he does."

"So what doesn't he know?"

"Well, I mean, I might have lied about a few little things here and there but it's no big deal. Come on, Forehead. Stop worrying. I can handle myself."

"If you say so, Ino-Pig."

**xx**

"Are you still messing around with Ino?"

"Kind of."

"What happened to your two night policy?"

"I don't know. It's just… she reminds me of someone."

"That doesn't seem like a good idea. You're going to hurt her. I heard you banging that chick in Suna last week."

"Fuck off."

"I'm serious. What would Asuma say about you fucking around and toying with his student just because you haven't figured out how to let go of your emotional baggage from twenty years ago?"

"Don't bring dead people into this."

"Aren't they already involved?"

"Didn't I tell you to fuck off?"

**xx**

It has been a busy couple of months. In order to prepare for becoming an instructor, Genma has mandatory teaching classes to attend on top of meeting his standard mission quota, and since he wouldn't be on any missions higher than a C-rank for at least a year, he wanted to cram in as much excitement as he could. Plus, he kind of hoped that maybe if he got himself seriously injured, they'd find someone else to teach the kids.

At first, Ino danced in and out of his life, playing some game Genma couldn't understand. At some point, he'd given her the spare key to his apartment, and she started leaving him food to eat when he got home. Then, she started doing his laundry, showing up to "just talk", and more recently she has begun greeting him at the door, lavish meals set out on the table. Still, she insists that they are not any exclusive thing and she never stays the night unless it's for talking. Genma might have thought this behavior desperate or neurotic, but when is the last time he has had a woman taking care of him? Ten years? Fifteen? He doesn't remember. He doesn't care. Doesn't think about her motivations.

Ino is waiting for him when he walks through the door mid-afternoon. There is a pot sitting on the stove, some ingredients in different sized bowls sitting on the counter, a bottle of liquor on the table, and she is asleep on the couch taking up as little space as possible. He notes the other changes that have occurred in his absence. His bookshelf has been neatly organized, his laundry folded, and she has categorized his weapons. A few more of her things have appeared: some plates he doesn't recognize on the kitchen table, some new books on the floor beside the couch, a coat hanging on his door, and a medical kit sitting in the corner. He gives her a nudge as he walks past her toward his bedroom without turning to see if she woke. He knows she has.

Behind him, she calls, "You're back. Are you hungry?"

"No. Just tired." He walks into the bathroom and sees her towel hanging on the rack next to his. "Were you here all night?"

"Yeah. You were supposed to get back yesterday, so I waited."

Genma watches his own face shift a little in the mirror. Just a little. "Sorry. You must be tired. Come to bed. That couch will fuck your back. You can wear one of my shirts."

He is aware that he reeks of various bodily fluids, not all his own, but he is really too exhausted to care, and he doesn't think she will mind, so he spits his senbon into the target on the wall, throws his jacket and bandanna to the floor, and falls into bed. Ino silently slips on a light blue T-shirt before entering the bedroom and then delicately lies down next to him.

"So, I've been wondering for ages," she starts. "What's with the senbon?"

"What?" Genma mumbles into the pillow.

"You know what I mean."

He deliberates for a moment on what to say. "It's comforting. To have something to chew on."

"But how'd you start?"

He sighs and rolls over to lie on his back, fingers crossed on his chest. "My old man smoked a lot. I wanted to look cool like him, but of course my mom beat my ass the first time she saw me with a cigarette in my mouth, so we made a compromise."

"Did you really think it looked cool? I always thought it was kind of gross."

"Well, don't most kids think their dad is cool?" He stops as he realizes what he has said, but doesn't quite know how to recover.

"Yeah. I guess so," she says, seemingly unshaken. "Did you ever smoke?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Started after the Third War. It helped, back then, when I was scared of everything for a while. The Fourth made me quit after I joined his guard platoon. For the image of the village or something like that, but I think he was just trying to save my life, fucking bastard."

"What do you mean scared of everything?"

"You know, bad dreams, flashbacks. Realizing things won't be the same anymore. When you've killed too much, and accepted death too many times only to be cheated out of it. When you've let a life drip through your fingers, thick and hot, and then, suddenly, it's not. Emotional training just isn't enough. I was like, thirteen, going into the Third War, and not to belittle what you went through, but it was a lot longer and more brutal than the Fourth."

"I'm sorry. That sounds awful."

"Even sixteen is no age to lose a father. You've had it rough, too. I can tell, showing up at my place three in the morning like that."

"Oh. Thanks… for those times," she says sheepishly.

"No problem."

Ino lifts a leg in the air, idly twirling her foot. She sighs. "Hopefully this peace lasts for a long time. Maybe we won't need ninja anymore someday. Sometimes I feel like I wasn't meant to be a kunoichi, you know? I'm too weak. Maybe I could've been a model or a dancer or something instead."

There is something about her. The way her eyes wander wistfully from joint to joint, too melancholy for a girl her age, for a girl so pretty that her dreams of being a model are not so farfetched. Something makes him want to spill his secrets. "You know, I quit ninja work for a while after the Third War. Couldn't leave the village without shaking. We all dealt with it in different ways. Kakashi hid all his feelings and joined the ANBU. Asuma started smoking; it was more than just cigarettes back then. Gai got fuckin' weird. And Ebisu decided to become a teacher. Sometimes things are too much for us to deal with, and that doesn't mean you're weak."

"What made you become a shinobi again?"

"It's hard re-assimilating yourself into civilian life. People don't really understand. I was working in some convenience store, living with my parents. One day, Raidou walked in the store telling me Asuma ran away and he needed a new training partner or something. So I started training with him, and then the Fourth picked us to be his new bodyguards. That's that."

"Did the fear ever go away?"

"Kind of. Minato, the Fourth, I mean, he taught me a lot. More than just ninjutsu. And somehow, the fear got better over time. So you can thank the Fourth Hokage for making me the fine specimen of man I am today." Genma gives a kind of apologetic chuckle. "Sorry about that. Conversation got deep."

He turns his head to see her eyes staring back at him: pale, patient, and intensely blue.

"Don't be sorry. Thanks for opening up," she says.

"Go to sleep."

Ino smiles. "I think the senbon looks pretty cool. Good night."

"Night."

**xx**

Ino has the kanji for "ten" tattooed below her left breast, a deer on her left shoulder, and a butterfly on her right hip. Tiny metal barbells pierce her nipples, like steel dewdrops on fresh rosebuds, colored a shade of pink as unlikely as her eyes and hair. Her breasts are full and springy, too, despite the rest of her being just slightly too thin. Unreal. But what, was Genma expecting her to be ordinary?

"When did you get all those?" He gestures with his chin.

She lifts her left arm and turns to give him a better view. "I got the 'ten' right after we killed Hidan and Kakuzu. That was my first one. I got it secretly, of course. But it's not like my parents could've stopped me anyway. I got the deer and the butterfly after the war." She cups one breast in each hand. "I've always wanted more ear piercings, but I didn't want anything to distract from the ones Asuma gave me. So I got these instead."

"Good choice."

She laughs half bashful, half inviting.

She swings her hips and plays around a little with the black straps of her underwear until Genma, sitting all too coolly at the edge of the bed, beckons her to join him. He has just taken a shower and has not bothered to get dressed.

Quiet whimpers, periwinkle sheets, the taste of metal on flesh. Ino's hands find the right places, but her touch is unconvinced; hesitant, even. Genma grabs her by the thighs and his mouth makes its way to what lies in between them, one slow kiss at a time. Suddenly, she squirms, as though she finds the contact repulsive, and his journey is interrupted. Ino pulls herself out from under him, and in surprise, Genma lets her go.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't realize... I don't really feel up to it today. But I'd still like to do something for you if you'd like." She cocks her head and cracks a smile impossibly pure for what she has suggested. And who is he to refuse?

Her mouth is soft, perfectly so. Her tongue is shy, but curious enough. Her hands are too gentle and everything about it is a bit too methodical, almost as though she is trying to follow instructions from a book. But it is not the worst he has had (not even close), so he leans back and lets his breath get heavy.

Afterward, he asks, "You sure you still don't feel up to it?"

"Yeah. Sorry."

He is mildly offended, but she really does seem sorry, so Genma hoists himself up, and leans against the headboard, offering Ino the crook of his shoulder. "Okay, fine. Talk to me, then."

Ino snuggles in next to him. She seems smaller naked and upon closer inspection, Genma is relieved to find that she does have flaws after all: bonier than he realized, dry skin, stretch marks, a mole on her back.

"Do you care what we talk about?" she asks.

"Anything. I want to hear what's on your mind."

"Is it alright if it's not happy?"

"Sure."

"I lost one of the _kanzashi_ you gave me. A few days ago. It didn't seem right without its partner, so I stopped wearing the other one too."

"Oh. That's unfortunate." He doesn't ask why, and Ino is glad that she doesn't have to explain how she had dropped it in some public restroom trying to un-digest her dinner. That she just couldn't bear to fish the hair pin out of the toilet. How she listened to it rattle around when she tried to flush it down.

"It's funny what missing someone feels like. It's because they're literally missing from your life. Something that should be there is gone. The same as when you reach to pull your hair pins out before you sleep but they're not there. And things don't function right when parts are missing, so you stop wearing your hair in a bun, and you stop talking to your mom. We go through life just losing pieces."

"So we're full of missing pieces," Genma states matter-of-factly.

"Yeah."

"But isn't that curious? We're _full _of pieces. Other people's missing pieces."

Ino blinks. "What do you mean?"

"When you care about someone, it's like investing a piece of yourself in them. And they can do what they want with it. Break it, keep it safe, make you happy. When they die, it's lost with them. Your dad was important to many people, and a lot of people probably miss him. But I'm sure of all people he gave the biggest piece of himself to you. So take care of it."

"Oh." She looks up at Genma in wonder. Her eyes have changed since he first met her, somehow even brighter than before, and clearer, such that he can read every emotion swimming behind them: trust, guilt, and a sky blue sadness.

"Why'd you stop talking to your mother?"

"I don't know. She just… Things were so different without my dad around. She was different. Being in the house or in the flower shop made me sad all the time and I needed to get away. I left without saying good-bye and I've been too ashamed to go back. I'm a terrible daughter."

"You're not a terrible daughter. You'll talk to her when you're ready, won't you?"

"I guess." She pauses in thought. "Have you ever lost anyone that you thought you couldn't live without?"

"No. I haven't," he replies a too quickly. "I'm just a lucky guy." He smiles lazily, laying a kiss on top of Ino's head. "Whoops. Left a piece of myself on you."

The laugh Ino gives in return almost makes him believe his own lie.

**xx**

Ino is at work one morning when Izumo and Kotetsu walk in and drop two towers of files on her desk.

"These are copies of historical records that Tsunade wants to keep with the new department," Izumo says. It's probably Izumo, but Ino can never remember which one is which.

"_Somebody_ dropped them on the way here, so they're kind of all out of order," the other one accuses. "Tsunade wants them organized by surname, and tagged by category. Also, a few of the ones in this stack here are records from your clan and their experimental mind healing techniques, so those need to be matched up, and any notes need to be copied into the standard hospital format."

"She says you're lucky she had the secretaries at the hospital do all the sorting and copying for you."

"Right… lucky." Ino says skeptically.

"She wants it done immediately. Before the files from the executioner's get here."

"Anyway, good luck with that. See you 'round." And the two stroll off.

Ino sighs and begins sorting through the stacks. While most of the files tell a disturbing story (jumped into a river, set himself on fire, killed his family, etc.), one file in particular catches her eye. The surname is Shiranui, and the picture in the file depicts a haggard-looking girl with blue eyes, brown hair, and a white chrysanthemum on her headband. She seems distressed. Her eyebrows are tensed, and she appears to be looking somewhere far beyond the camera. A stamp indicates that the girl is deceased. The first page states "Occupation: shinobi. Cause of Death: suicide, aged 15." There is a short paragraph below the picture summarizing a few stays at Konoha Hospital, and many pages of medical records behind it. Ino sets the folder aside, saving the shock until she can confirm her suspicions.

A few hours later, Aoba walks in to check up on her, and Ino takes the opportunity to ask him. "Hey Aoba, did Genma have a sister by any chance?"

"Yeah, he did. Why do you ask?"

"Well, I saw this file, and..." She isn't sure how to continue so she just holds the picture up for Aoba to see.

"Oh." And even he seems shocked.

"Why… did she kill herself?"

"She was captured near the end of the Third War and held as a prisoner in the Bloody Mist. Anyway, the war ended before they could kill her or use her, but she just wasn't the same when she came back."

"Does this have anything to do with the time Genma quit being a shinobi?"

"How do you know about that? I didn't think he talked about it much. But, yeah, it was around that time he just stopped showing up for missions. I had no idea where he went. Didn't see him for a year."

"Oh. I see. Thanks, Aoba."

"We're going out for lunch. Want to join us?"

"Thanks for the invite, but I want to get through these."

"Suit yourself."

As soon as Aoba is out of the room, Ino feels her throat clench and her eyes stinging. Why does she feel grief? It is not for Genma's loss. She is hurt and confused as to why he might want to hide this from her, yes, but more than that, she feels some strange empathy toward the dead girl. How easily might she have fallen into the same situation? How lucky that she didn't.

And then, Ino's thoughts turn to Genma again. The chrysanthemums, her eyes, he said he loved the color of her eyes. A curious realization dawns on her. And then she remembers how, since losing Asuma and her father, she has longed for someone to guide her, to impart wisdom, to teach her how to do things again. Perhaps, in the same way, Genma was trying to regain something he had lost. The thought is a little bit sickening. She tries to shift her focus to the files again, but theories buzz in her head all afternoon.

**xx**

Everything hurts and everything is fear and Ino feels sick. But she can't move. Because she wanted this. She wanted this. She just doesn't know what this is anymore. She doesn't know what it was that he swallowed with his drink earlier, winking oh so mischievously as he offered her the same and she accepted without question. She doesn't know who _he_ is anymore. All she knows is phantoms and the warping of time.

So she swallows her tears, swallows her tears, closes her eyes to stop the spinning until the deed is done and then she bursts open, a thousand white rose petals falling, all of her innocence hacked off. She isn't Ino, she's the swallow with the broken wings again, and Genma seems guilty or confused, she can't tell. She is so dizzy and her legs so tremulous that she lets him hold her for a while, but he doesn't know what to do with his hands or something; his chest has never felt cold before now. Vaguely, she senses moisture on her skin. Is it snowing? Snow will make the flowers die. Her mind is swimming and she falls asleep on the thought that she is a tiny bud trying to make it through the winter.

When Ino wakes, her whole body aches and she isn't sure what hurts more, her head, her pelvis, or her heart. She finds herself in Genma's arms and pushes him away, her eyes dark and icy and feral. He reaches again for her, and she sends him a glare so full of hatred that he freezes. He is looking at her with such remorse that Ino almost finds it in her to pity him. But she doesn't. She can't, because her capacity for pity has entirely been allocated to pitying herself, a silly girl who has made too many mistakes. And he knows. He has to know.

**xx**

Ino is curled up against the headboard, hiding her face. Her body trembles intermittently as small sobs slip through her curtain of limbs.

"You lied," Genma says.

She cries a little harder. He doesn't move. He should have known better. He should have been careful. He should have quit these bad habits a long time ago. He should have known better. He should have known better. He should have known better. But it doesn't matter now. He feels all of these _things_, and he doesn't know what to do or say. He is angry, he feels guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, disgusted. She really was just a broken little girl after all. Was he really beginning to love her or was he just fooling himself? He doesn't know. He wants to comfort her, put his hand on her shoulder, but the little pile of straw and bones on his bed looks fifteen years old, and he just can't bring himself to touch her, can't bring himself to look at her, so he goes to the bathroom, turns the lights off, and takes a shower, because frankly, he doesn't really want to look at himself either.

He gets dressed, pours himself a shot or four, and returns to the bedroom to find her in the same position she has been in for hours, a sapphire spiral descending into the pool of moonlight from the window.

"I'll be gone for at least two days. Lock the door when you leave. Fuck." He pauses. "I'm really sorry, okay?"

"You lied too. I saw the files on your sister."

He gives a grunt of resignation. After a moment, he says, "I didn't lie. She died after the war. It's probably best if you leave the key here." And then, flask in tow, Genma leaves the apartment and rushes to the Hokage building, hoping there is some mission he can be assigned to immediately.

Tsunade finds him passed out behind a bush around seven in the evening, a few blocks away from the Academy, and gives him a lecture about how some kids could have seen him and he is destroying the reputation of all shinobi and was he really planning on getting drunk on a mission doesn't he know the consequences, but she doesn't really question it, thankfully. Izumo and Kotetsu escort him to Kakashi's office, where he is assigned a C-Rank on account of his being hungover, and sent on his way. He is going to really regret this when the food pill he has just swallowed wears off and the rest of the drugs catch up with him.

**xx**

Meanwhile, Ino has found the liquor Genma left on the kitchen counter and she is spreading mucus and tears all over Genma's worn clothing, breathing in as much of him as she can while she can. Haphazardly, she wanders around holding every item in the apartment to her chest once as if hoping they will invite her back even if their owner doesn't. She stops in front of the spot where she had dropped the kunai the first time she was here. Is that all she was to him? A nick in a floorboard, just a tiny blemish, a tiny comet in the galaxies of his life. A tear splashes onto wood floor. Then another. She cries at the kitchen table, cries in the shower, cries on his couch, falls asleep crying in his sheets.

She wakes up around noon, makes friends with the toilet for a while, and then gets to business erasing herself from the place.

**xx**

"Ino, it's okay. It's okay. Stop crying."

"I just thought I was special, you know? I feel so stupid. I thought…"

"Shh. You're not stupid. You're fine."

"I thought I was mature. I thought I understood things beyond my years. That he saw me as an adult. I thought I could make him love me. I thought I wasn't just ordinary."

"You are special. Everyone loves you."

"What if he was just using me? What if he had some twisted attraction to his little sister that he never resolved?"

"Look, I don't really know him, but I'm sure it's not anything terrible. Tsunade obviously trusts him a lot."

"I thought he wouldn't love me if I was a virgin."

"Maybe he wouldn't have."

"I mess everything up."

"That's not true."

"I really– Oh, I look so ugly when I cry. I really almost believed if I just– if I just pretended that I had my shit together, things would be okay."

"No one knows what they're doing these days, Ino."

"You know who would know exactly what to do?"

"Who?"

"My mom. But I can't just go talk to her now. She'll hate me."

"You'll hate yourself more if you don't do it."

"Why do you have to be so reasonable all the time?"

**xx**

"What the fuck? Take that out of your mouth right now."

"Sorry."

"You quit fifteen years ago. Why start again now?"

"I don't know. Who gives a shit, anyway?"

"It's not even noon, and yet I'm not surprised that you're drunk."

"I was such a terrible brother, you know that? I always told her that her blue eyes made her look like an alien. One time I killed all her chrysanthemum plants. The only one that survived was the white one."

"What ten year old boy isn't a little shit? She loved you all the same."

"My parents were astronomers. They named us after a binary star. Do you know what that means? It means I didn't love her enough. I let her go, man. I didn't protect her. I didn't even _try_ talking to her."

"It's not your fault. No one was able to help her."

"She knocked on my door in the middle of the night sometimes. I'd just pretend I was asleep."

"You had your own troubles then."

"You know Ino doesn't eat?"

"What?"

"She cooks all this food, and then she won't eat it. I just ignored it because I didn't know what to say. She hates drinking, too. She only did it for me. You were right, Raidou. Why are you always right? You're so fucking smart. I'm so glad you're my friend."

"She has her own troubles too. Hand me a smoke."

"Yes, sir."

"Thanks."

"I have to quit all of this in a month for the kids, don't I?"

"Yeah."

"This is the last smoke, I swear."

"I know. That's why I'm sharing it with you."

**xx**

Genma crashes at Raidou's place, sleeps for a miserable twenty hours, until he gets kicked out and has to go home.

He returns to an apartment from an earlier time. It is uncanny. Every detail has been attended to. All of her belongings are gone, his laundry is in a pile on his couch, his books are arranged in random order, the wild boar constellation has been removed, his freezer is empty, and there is a pot of pumpkin stew on the stove. Everything is as it was before she happened. Almost everything. The broken floorboard is still broken, the spare keys are on the kitchen table (she wouldn't have known where he keeps them), and just a few stray blonde hairs that the broom missed haunt the place. There are some flowers next to the keys in varying shades of blue and purple. The emptiness feels akin to not having anything to grind his teeth on. It leaves a metallic taste on his tongue. Just as she described it, the feeling of missing someone. And this apartment is missing so many pieces now he can't stand it, so he leaves.

The Yamanaka flower shop is well stocked despite the fact that it is the middle of February. Genma wanders in and a middle-aged woman with short greying hair and grey eyes greets him with a crow's feet smile from the corner where she is clipping stems. She wears a dirty white apron, and worn leather gloves several sizes too big. Another woman, sporting a stiff white dress and a blonde bob, stands on the customer side of the register, chatting away with a severe expression on her face. Genma chews on his senbon and pretends to study some yellow tulips as he listens in.

"It's so great that your daughter finally came to see you, but did she give you a reason for being gone so long? I'd give Sakura a good telling off if she ever did that to me."

The silver-haired woman sounds tired, but hopeful. "I'm just glad she's ready to talk again."

"You're too kind to her."

"It's what she needs. It's what a mother should give."

"I suppose so. What did she say?"

"She dropped by around four o'clock yesterday afternoon. She bought some flowers and told me that Tsunade is expediting the development of the Mental Rehabilitation program, so she'll have shortened rotations in the other departments. She'll be moving to Mental Rehabilitation in just a few months. She's going to be in charge of training nurses and helping Tsunade with researching new treatments since she's the only mind jutsu user in the village who has a medical background."

"That's wonderful news! I was starting to feel bad bragging about Sakura all the time when you had nothing to say about Ino."

"I'm so proud of her. We'll have more time to chat this Saturday. She invited me over for dinner."

"Sounds like she's grown up a bit."

"Seems so."

Genma feels his mouth pull into a small smile. He looks up to look at the shopkeeper, and notes the similarities between mother and daughter: pale skin, waifish figure, delicate nose, and striking eyes. But the older woman's eyes are murkier, harder to read, not as vital. She is holding the same type of flower that Ino left on his kitchen table.

"What are these flowers called?" he inquires.

"In my hand? These are sweet peas, dear."

"Do they have a meaning?"

"Yes, they're used to say good-bye."

He nods in understanding. "Could I purchase a few?"

"Of course, darling. Are you saying good-bye to someone?"

"In some way."

"Well, tell me how many you want, and I'll ring you up over here."

Genma pays for the flowers and then heads down a street he hasn't taken in years.

It is high afternoon when he arrives at his destination carrying nineteen stalks of sweet peas, one for every year he has neglected to visit. Backed up in his throat is an unending stream of apologies that will never be enough. He sets the flowers down. He gives her an awkward greeting. Asks her how she's doing. If the flowers grow better up there. He cries. He tries to explain himself. He talks about how he should have had late night conversations about life with her, how he would have given her hair accessories for her birthday, how he misses her, how he didn't learn a damn thing because see he met this girl with eyes as blue as hers and maybe he loved her but if he did he sure didn't show it. He talks about how he can't ever finish saying all the things he needs to say, and he is still there talking when those unreachable diamonds appear in the night sky, the most precious things that he has ever let go.

**XX**

* * *

_Thank you so much for reading! I knew that it would be difficult writing about Genma, since I am not a 35-year-old man, but because of the way the story developed, the other issues also became a little too complex and mature for me to handle. Still, I hope you enjoyed it. Reviews are appreciated. Please write about this pairing for me. __Also, thank you to the fanfiction writers who inspired me to write this pairing in the first place! I believe I was reading Kaara, and Ukiyo-e. I don't know you guys and you guys also probably won't see this, but you guys are pretty awesome._

_A Few More Notes:_

_1\. The meanings of flowers should be accurate, but I'm not an expert on Japanese culture or _hanakotoba_, so if something's wrong, I apologize. In addition, I tried to make the growing seasons as believable as possible, so I hope that worked. I figure Konoha has a pretty mild climate and that the Yamanakas have a greenhouse or something anyway. _

_2\. The traditional _kanzashi_ (Japanese hair ornaments) flowers for September really are bellflowers and bush clovers, so that was convenient. I didn't even plan it. _

_3\. There is actually a Chinese constellation, _Kui_, which depicts a wild boar, but I'd never heard of it until I Googled it, so the one in the story might as well be made up._

_4\. One of the names for the binary star Alpha Corona Borealis is "_Gemma_", Latin for gem. And according to the Naruto wiki, this is Genma's namesake, but I don't know what the source is. Some other names for it include "_Alphekka_", "_Astaroth_", and "_Gnosia_". The constellation Corona Borealis is called "_Kanmuri_" in Japanese. I considered naming Genma's sister "Kanmuri" or "Asutaa", but I didn't really like either of them very much, so I decided to just leave her unnamed. _


End file.
